A Werewolf Blog in Brooklyn

The Classic Werewolf Cliche

September 8, 2013
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Clichés are classic there is no doubt about that. Every time you hear one it’s a bit like de-ja-vu, you know you’ve heard or seen it played out before and you know what to expect and yet, you still wait it out.

This is the theme of episode 3 in Teen Wolf. It starts with a lovely opening night scene of two little kids in a wood trying to capture fire flys. The music is uplifting and cheery, and the boy child is called of all things – Billy. This seems to me like classic story telling. Right up until the big bad (were)wolf starts chasing the kids through the woods.

I think to myself, has Teen Wolf finally redeemed itself? Could I actually be enjoying this episode?

The answer may shock you that it is yes on both accounts. Especially when the fireflys swarm the werewolf and the kids manage to escape.

Of course there are parts of Teen wolf that still bug me. Scott still comes across as a bimbo. Lydia appears to constantly be emotionally tortured – finding a dead body, forming a prescription drug addiction to help her cope with life. Bad cgi and the fake running scene of Derek and Scott, lets just move our arms on the spot and pretend the scenery is moving…yawn…

But all in all this episode is pretty good. It opens up an interesting mystery that brings together werewolves, humans, our heroes, the unsuspecting police and even the Argent family.

This episode works because it has a fairly logical flow to it.

I also like that Alison has stopped being a passive girl and has turned into a character worth paying attention to again and not because of her romance with Scott. Because of what she offers as a person to the story line.

The woods feature heavily in this episode and for once, I think that makes sense. Woods in story telling are often filled with danger, mystery and evil things. Seems like the perfect spot for a couple of psychotic werewolves to rampage and terrorise a couple of gay teens about to go on a make-out fest.

Don’t they know the rules of horror story telling – if you have sex and your not a virgin, you die! (Thanks Scream)

The clichés are laid on heavily but they help the viewer plot an obvious path through the story line on offer.

As Scott saves one teen girl from being werewolf souffle, he emplores her “You need to get out of here, you need to get out of the woods, you need to get out of here as fast as you can!” before running off and leaving said teenager alone, again. Thanks Teen Wolf for the lack of escape assistance!

I’m pretty sure there’s a rule in the horror movie genre of using drugs means your just putting your name on the kill me first list, too.

Stiles delivers as always. When Lydia says “I’m supposed to call you before I call 911?” and stiles replies “YES!” it slams home the horror movie cliché of logic and characters and what people normally do in the horror situation in movies – hint, its the opposite to what Lydia, very realistically does.

Even having Stiles mention the classic horror movie The Shining in this episode shows how much it is playing on trying to go for that cliché effect.

Comedy is clever once again, between Derek and Issac when Issac wants to talk to Derek about dating his sister. This car scene is perfectly delivered. And even the scene between Mr Argent and Scott in the same car park with the gun, is fun.

Dear god Teen Wolf, how did you suddenly come good? I really need to find out who wrote this episode!

The thing is, it gets better, the hunting and trapping scene with Mr Argent talking and the cut scenes with Alison is very well put together, along with actual wolf information and facts.

The clichés are laden and once you notice them you start noticing them a lot.

The classic group shot as the wolf pack and hunter walk up to the edge of the park reserve, is expected, as one team working together – (hunted and hunted) to eliminate the bad rogue werewolves and save Beacon Hills from more death and mayhem.

The attempt to stylize the fight scenes, is a bit over done, but I can see this improving.

I like Issac but as a werewolf, there needs a bit of work done on him because he’s a bit to thin and weak looking. Maybe the wardrobe department could layer him up in clothes to give him an effect of bulk and buff, that both Scott and Derek have.

Of course, Teen Wolf wouldn’t be Teen Wolf if it didn’t have multiple story lines going. The teens turning up dead in this episode, is a story line that is actually not werewolf related, as opposed to the wolf pack hunting the rogue werewolves. But what Teen Wolf does manage to do cleverly in this episode is make the story lines intertwine as our wolf pack thinks the two events are related. And it the misdirection, or misinformation and assumption of our intrepid heroes, makes sense! That’s why it works!

A big moment for me in this episode was the scene where Derek has to sacrifice himself at the rouge werewolves claws. As they slash away, madly at him and he gets chopped down to size (cliché)! I find myself feeling for Derek, but this is what it means to be the alpha werewolf, you are the one who has to do what others will not or can not.
Finally, does this mean Teen Wolf are addressing that?
This could be a reason to respect this werewolf!!

This episode of Teen Wolf makes me think that the first two episodes of Season 3, were a waste of time and that somehow, this episode should have been the season opener.

It showcases all manner of strength in the writing and scenery and storylines of its characters. And it’s “Werewolf centric”!! Huzzah!

Finally, a real reason to watch this show again, because it seems to be about werewolves!


Werewolf Thunderdome

August 24, 2013
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“Is this whole be optimistic in the face of disaster thing a part of a be a better Scott McCall Program?” – Stiles, Episode 2, Season 3 Teen Wolf

Stiles still brings the funny in this episode. But funny is no longer saving this TV show for me. There’s just so much going on and it seems like a lot of it isn’t actually happening to our main characters rather it’s happening to those around them. And I find myself not liking that.

Kind of finding it pointless, as a way of giving our intrepid gang of high school heroes – Alison, Lydia, Scott, Stiles and Isaac, something to do, to be connected to.

I find watching this episode very visually pretty – the scene with Issac and the ice bath and the warehouse were all the werewolves meet, it’s visually appealing but the actual storyline and episode, seems so not engaging for the viewer, my concentration is skewed.

Of course, Teen Wolf opens with a mysterious thing happening to a pretty blonde bimbo, who Stiles is trying to get laid with. But it’s one of those things that doesn’t make any kind of sense and is designed to intrigue me but honestly just makes me go WTF? Instead and then not care.

As usual there is a lot going on, honestly I think the writers should just narrow their focus more and make the show more intense rather than have several characters doing several things.
But the most interesting part of the episode for me comes when it becomes Alison versus Derek. Oh yeah, feel the awkward and the potential bitch fight coming. Finally, something that seems like substance in this otherwise vapid show.

Just when I think it’s going to get interesting with Alison standing up to Derek and saying she’s there to help Scott not him, and he makes some remark unto her dead mother, the scene ends.
And again, my interest goes.

The ice bath scene with Isaac is interesting for two reasons – One; they’re fucking painful _ i should know. So kudos for doing one and staying down.

Two; I’m pretty sure we just got our first swear word on Teen Wolf. As Isaac pops up out of the bath he says “It’s a vault, it’s a XXXing vault!” of course it’s hard to imagine Teen Wolf allowing swearing on their show, given their young audience and also it gets censored over by some screeching music/metal edited sound effect.

Apart from this, there is not much else that is worth watching.
Stiles makes some remark about two werewolves entering into the place that Scott and Derek have to go to rescue someone from, there’s always someone who needs rescuing! And he comes up with the phrase – Werewolf Thunder dome. Nice.

There’s things happening but I just don’t care enough to really pay attention to. Other than Alison and Lydia trying to figure out what they’re bruise symbol means. Eventually around the same time Scott and Derek and Isaac figure it out in another scene, I see that the only reason Alison is given this task of figuring it out, is to just put her in trouble and therefore in Scott’s path for rescuing and awkward, tragic romancing.

The episode ends rather suddenly and I find myself dragging my feet to want to watch episode 3.


Teen Wolf not genius

August 19, 2013
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Nipple Burn. that’s the first thing that comes to mind when I start watching episode 1 of Season 3, Teen Wolf.

Why? Because Issac is being brought back to life by some battery charger things that you connect cars to. Yep. Really.

I wanted to laugh out loud, but I couldn’t because I got too dizzy then watching the longest, most endless motorcycle escape scene ever filmed.

Yes, welcome to Beacon Hill, where the streets are always desserted at night and the roads, go round, and round, and round and nowhere elese but around.

Here’s hot tip to Issac’s rescurer, When your running away or driving away from the bad guys and are “escaping” you don’t drive around and around and around in circles on back streets.

You get the hell out of dodge!

But this is Beacon Hills and our young population of seemingly constantly endangered teens aren’t exactly smart when it comes to survival.

Enter himbo of the Beacon Hills world – Scott McCall aka, Teen Wolf. He’s a teen and he NEEDS to get a tattoo. Why? Well Scott can’t articulate that thought. The show is called Teen Wolf, not genius after all. So what tattoo design does Scott decide on? Two black bands. He even draws a picture. Groan. Remember BG the show is not called genius.

Cut to an awkward reunion scene beetween Scott and Alison and Scott does creepy stalker face, through the car window of Stiles’s Jeep like he’s a professional creep.

Then some freaky shit happens when a deer runs straight into Lydia’s car – head first. There’s some boy-girl comfort and no real end to that scene and then it’s the next day. Where nothing is amiss.
Remember the show is called TEEN WOLF, not genius.

In Lydia’s bedroom there’s a beefcake boy on display half naked in her bed. One minute he’s confident and smug, the next he’s all needy. Whateves. As Lydia looks in the mirror preening herself, two things come to mind. One; her bee stung lips are crazy over the top. Two; Lydia’s lost a fair amount of weight and is verging on seriously ridicoulus lollipop head apperance.

Once at school, Lydia manages to get the best line in a scene upon spotting two hot twins walking her way.

Lydia to Alison “I don’t want a boyfriend, I want a distraction.” Yeah, Lydia so do I, from this show.

Later in the classroom as Alison plays awkward to the enth degree upon spotting ex boyfriend Scott, the teacher does a very clever trick with all her students mobile phones. Shortly into class, Stiles being the most attentive male ever, notices Lydia’s ankle is bandaged and it turns our her own dog, prada, has bitten her. For no apparent reason what so ever, Stiles says to Lydia, that maybe it has something to do with her and animals and how they get freaky before an earthquake and yawn, look how much I’m finding it hard to care.

But then a black crow flies straight into the window next to Lydia, so hard that is smashes it’s brains out onto the window. Yeah! gore! blood! whoo!

The writers of this show sure like to overload the character storylines.

Shortly after Stiles says this, a murder of crows, like a mass murder – hundreds of birds, appear on the horizon, blackening out the sky. The birds fly straight towards the classroom. The cool, new teacher, walks towards the windows. Yeah scary animals coming at you, and you walk towards them. Smart. Remember, show is not called genius.

As the birds swarm towards the classroom, everyone sits and stays exactly where they are and watches their impending doom, instead of taking cover, or evacuating the classroom. So. Smart. Nobody attempts to move until after the birds break into the classroom and start attacking all the students.

Stiles, protects Lydia. So sweet.

By this point in the episode, it already feels to long. There’s other stuff going on with Scott, like when Derek Hale burns a tattoo of the two black bands onto Scotts arm with a blow torch. Yeah, really his accuracy is so detailed, he can define the smooth lines of two black bands, no rough endges at all. As. If.

There’s alpha pack werewolves with serious finger nail issues and toe nails that need major clipping, oh and end of the episodeis , Issac’s saviour, the motorcycle chick, is slashed to death by the alpha pack leader, yeah, its an alpha pack but there is still a leader amongst them. Like that makes sense – its an alpha pack!

Sigh, I knew i was getting into this right? Maybe i just need to watch game of thrones. Pretty sure that would be worthwhile from all accounts.


Flying Sharks vs Werewolves

August 15, 2013
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You know how that one time, I broke up with a TV show called Teen Wolf?

Yeah, well, a.w.k.w.a.r.d… I watched Episode 1 of Season 3 the other night.
Why would I do this to myself you may ask when I so clearly lost my shit with Teen Wolf in the first place and decided so Vehemently not to support it? The reasons are two fold, I shall admit.

Reason 1:
There really isn’t many interesting shows on TV at the moment.
There! I’ve said it! Go ahead, suggest TV shows I should be paying attention to and trying to figure out and getting sucked into the character storylines of. Do it! I dare you!

Yeah I’ve watched the fantasy, sci-fi, paranormal shows, falling skies, yeah I’ve watch revolution and am not a fan of J-J Abrahams’s so called genisus, Lost Girl – which just turns into hate watching EVERY SINGLE TIME past season 1. I may have to start a Hate Watching tv blog at this rate. For god sakes people, I sat through Sharknado!! Of course, I wasn’t sober for it, so that did help, a great deal, even as I yelled at Ian Zeiring for recklessly endangering his group of survivors by stopping to help and save a bus load of school kids.
And for having the name “Fin.” In a Shark movie.
Good one.
Not.
Ever.

I’m actually not big on watching a lot of TV, probably because there just lacks a great deal of quality, interesting stuff on it most of the time. But I like most fan girls and boys, want a TV show I can hook into and use like religion.

I’ve watched Alphas, and admit…this hasn’t lost me completely, yet, but I haven’t exactly been racing to keep up with it. The same goes for Once Upon a Time. I took to reading the graphic novel series Fables, and have to say, I think Once Upon a Time ripped it off massively and then took great liberty with it so as to avoid copyright infringement. But hey, that’s just my opinion, FABLES creator, Bill Willingham, doesn’t think so. So that’s what counts!

Reason 2:
And here is the main reason, really. A friend of mine challenged me to watch Teen Wolf again. She said I could literally forget Season 2 ever happened and pick up from Season 3 like it made complete sense to Season 1.

She knows how to bait a line my friends, I was intrigued by this. Could Teen Wolf be so bad in writing that it really was this simple to forget Season 2 ever happened? Did I want to go into Season 3 given I knew the hot dude who played Jackson wasn’t even going to be in the show?
The more I thought about it, the more I thought “Stiles” and well, we all know how in love with that dude I am, so really…CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

I shall post my review of Episode 1 up here, later.

Till then peeps,
Embrace Bad TV cause it is everywhere like a god damn sharknado (although flying sharks are pretty frickn cool).
Maybe they could make a sequel – Flying Sharks vs Werewolves. Now I’d pay to watch that!


Breaking up with Teen Wolf

August 23, 2012
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Dear Teen Wolf,
It was bound to happen sooner or later, the signs were there from the start of season 2. I ‘m just not that into you anymore.

So our relationship break up really if you think about it, was inevitable. Because truthfully there is only so much crap one werewolf can deal with in a one sided relationship, like ours had.

You just kept on ignoring pretty much everything I was trying to tell you to make you a better tv show. And worst of all Teen Wolf, you neglected my needs.You went dark side but it was off in the realms of weirdville. Quite frankly Teen Wolf, you got selfish. You indulged in this fantasy bullshit about the Kanima, and you forgot, almost entirely what you were about.  You weren’t true to yourself and in not doing that, you lost my interest too.

But you haven’t only affected /neglected me, it’s worse than that. You hurt others too. Other viewers and even characters on your show were put into emotional warfare.

You became obsessed with your nemesis Jackson. And for what? I still haven’t figured that out yet. You wasted your own potential and you expected your best friend Stiles to save the scene/day with his sharp wit and perfect timing. And more than that, Stiles came through, time and time again.

You kept ensuring you were still involved with Derek Hale, but honestly, how could you not see you’d surpassed his Alpha-ness? You neglected your studies to the point that your mother started paying more attention to you, when really, your all about being a secretive soul. Also a stupid one. You were smarter than this in Season one.  Or at least, you seemed so.

You let your school friends follow your lead and go down the wrong path with Derek. Dragging them into an under world they weren’t ready for or fully aware of. Nor we’re you, so it was a bit like the stupid leading the stupid. And your choice in girlfriend, where do I start on her? How about she over acts for one thing. When she’s not over acting, she’s turned into this big eyed watery, overly emotional clingy girl who like you isn’t too smart when it comes to dealing with and dodging parents.

Haven’t either of you figured it out yet? You live in an adult world. Your just teenagers, even though you don’t really act like teenagers a lot of the time.

But despite the tenuous hold you had on me for eight episodes, you finally did it. You gave me a reason to break ties with you completely in episode 9. And quite frankly, I think we both knew, it was about time.

Do you even now what you did to me?

You insulted me. You offended me. You turned me off you. You insulted females.  Do you know how you did it?  The opening scene of episode 9 with Lydia.

All of season two you’ve turned a vapid pretend airhead who’s actually a terribly smart girl, Lydia, into a complete fucking loon. But I dealt with that.  You’re efforts to make her unstable have been shitting me for a long time. Because despite all the other crap that was thrown into season two, and whilst I was in fact being turned off most of the main characters in this show (save Stiles) I was beginning to like Lydia. A lot. And beginning to feel that you weren’t giving her character a fair chance to prove how completely fucking misunderstood and over looked she is by all.

I could see the silent steely strength in her, so why couldn’t you?

You attract a certain type of crowd Teen Wolf and I think it’s fair to say that they’re probably teenagers and I’d take a guess and say a lot of them are female. given the amount of pretty and eye candy on your show.

So I doubt I’m the only female who tuned in to episode 9 and whose first reaction to the opening scene of Lydia in the shower, that then became Lydia in a dream at high school, where all her peers watched and cheered for Lydia, who was then attacked and by the alpha (Peter Hale), was internal horror.

I switched my TV off, that’s how I reacted to this scene.  I couldn’t make it through this scene and as a result I can’t watch you anymore.  There was never love there for you Teen Wolf, but now whatever small amount of like there was, that’s gone too.  The thing is it’s not that Lydia is a character on a TV show getting attacked and harassed by an alpha male.  You’re scene implied much more than that. It implied rape. It kind of  implied gang rape,  with the crowd just watching as only one woman in the otherwise mass, cheering crowd that where chanting Lydia’s name, sobbed  away in the crowd while Lydia was dragged literally through the mud screaming.

You’ve put me off you.  I thought maybe you could be better than this, but you’ve proven you’re not.  And quite frankly Teen Wolf, I’ve more than given you a chance to get your shit together and  I’m better than you and that means, I don’t need to watch you. I don’t need to know what’s going on in your world.  I don’t need to know these characters.  Or to watch you destroy them.

And if I’m being perfectly honest with you  Teen Wolf, I was only doing it for my blog posts. Yeah, that’s right, I was using you.

Please stop giving werewolves everywhere a bad name by making us as pathetic as anything that comes out of the world of Twilight. Just stop. You really need to.

So it’s over, you’ll go on apparently to what looks like season 3 and I’ll find something else to watch on TV, that’s likely to be better than you ever will be.


The perils of dating a vampire lover (or why you should go werewolf instead)

July 31, 2012
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So in rather public celebrity news of recent happenings, you may have heard of vampire lover Kirsten Stewart rather humiliating, got found out for cheating on vampire poster boy Rob Pattison and how they’re relationship seems to have since gone the way of a staked vampire, something like dust.

And whilst the chatter surrounding the demise of their relationship and all that it entails, plays out through hearsay and suggestive photographs taken in the media and second hand voices, rather than those involved themselves, one thing has become apparent to me – You can’t date vampires. They’re more than just no good for you. They fuck shit up and not in a fun way.

After all the final instalment in the upcoming vampire movie of mega proportions of teen wackiness – Twilight is due out soon. And now she (K-Stew) has possibly screwed all that up. The whole Bella and Edward thing- whilst I don’t get it or care too and am ashamed of women-kind of wanting to, the end result is, this franchise, movie, is built on the epic love of those two characters.

And it’s further enhanced by K-Stew and Rob Pattison following through in real life also. Audience backlash coming? Hmm, hard to say. More than likely Twi-hard audience members will forever live in the celluloid rather than face any kind of fragile romance in reality.

So now would be the time for the werewolf dating agencies of the world to step up and start marking the werewolf as the ideal romance mate.

Now, if it’s the fur that’s going to be an issue you for you, I can assure that you’ll only get to see it when the wolf comes out. Being a werewolf means being a hybrid being, so yeah, we get to play human almost all of the time. How do you think our race has survived for so long?

And if you don’t think Werewolves can be as appealing as vampire(wannabes) then here are a few Hollywood werewolves that cover a bit of something for everyone:

Alcaide – True Blood

Now if you’re after a hot, hard bodied, Alpha male, Aclaide is the werewolf for you. He’s as passionate a lover as he is a fighter. He’s so damn hot, he sizzles. Also, he is the king of werewolf abs.

Likes: Working out, Sookie Stackhouse, hunting.

Dislikes: Vampires, fangtasia, badly run werewolf packs, being told what to do.

Derek Hale – Teen Wolf

If you’re after intensity in your werewolf relationship with a dominant Alpha male, than maybe you should leave a calling card for Derek. He’s all about contained anger, brooding and getting what he wants out of everyone and everything. So if you’re up for being told what to do and controlled, then you know, uh, go for it, you doormat.

Likes: being bossy, being in charge, biting males on their lat muscles, fighting.

Dislikes: Getting shown up. Werewolf Hunters, the Kanima or any creature that is a threat to werewolves in general.

Scott McCall – Teen Wolf

Less alpha, and more beta wolf, Scott has a good heart and is a friend who will do everything in his power to protect you. When he’s not being distracted by the idea of having sex. So if you’re after a purely “physical” werewolf relationship than Scott might be the werewolf to wear you out. The boy has got stamina.

Likes: running through the woods at night, sex, growling, lacrosse, hanging out with his BF, Stiles.

Dislikes: walks on the beach, werewolf hunters, day light, anything to do with Derek Hale.

Jacob – Twilight

Technically as I’ve been told, Jacob is actually a “shape shifter” yes, they are different to werewolves.  Still he does go the way of the wolf when he shifts.

Jacob is all about being shirtless, all the time. Think abs. Think smooth skin and pretty. Possibly the most good-boy wolf ever. He IS the kind of wolf you could bring home to your mother.

You’re right….there is something wrong with that.

Likes: taking his shirt off.

Dislikes: putting his shirt on.

Oz – Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Now if you can appreciate red heads – which clearly the R-Patz lovers of the world can, and if you don’t mind being small of stature, then give Oz a look up. He’s incredibly funny with his dry sense of humour and slightly odd personality. Yes Oz is the alternative werewolf, so not mainstream, he dropped out of college and most importantly, he plays in a band. He plays guitar.

Likes: music, red heads, witches, most things.

Dislikes: Another person’s scent on his mate.

George – Being Human (UK)

George isn’t as soft and cuddly as he might first appear. Whilst he comes across as a beta werewolf, possibly even an omega (depending on your point of view), due to his lone pack presence and upbringing in the werewolf world, George is anything but easy. He works much like an ogre, in layers. He is particularly loyal to those he cares about and will fight to the death (theirs or his doesn’t really matter) for all he loves and holds dear. So don’t cross him or underestimate him.

Likes: Odd housemates, being British, werewolf sex.

Dislikes: Vampires not named Mitchell, most vampires in general, not being able to control his werewolf tendencies.


Teen Wolf should be called Dumb Ass

July 26, 2012
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You know I’m so deep into bad TV viewing land of Teen Wolf now….I just can’t stop.  It’s become some what of an addiction.

So strap in and get ready for  whatever comes next.  Because I am prepared to ride this thing out. So strap yourselves in, cause here we go onto episode 8 of season 2.

Opening scene is with Jackson in class receiving a text message to his cell phone, his eyes widen, he looks at it a little strangely, but then appears to just get up and leave class, taking off in his car in daylight – but arriving at a warehouse at night time. Oh no, really?  Okay, whatever, he’s walking into the building rather robotically zombie like.  Very peculiar, no real reason given, but hey on Teen Wolf, you don’t actually need reasons for things. His whole opening scene appearances is done without Jackson actually speaking.

We cut to Stiles and his dad the sheriff.  It’s a cute little scene, where Stiles starts asking his dad about the Kanima murders. His dad goes on to say he can’t share confidential information with a teenager.  But then Stiles notices the noticeboard behind his dad with all the clues and information on it…well most of it.

And so we get given another bread crumb about this whole season’s weird kanima storyline.

All the murder victims are /were twenty four years of age.  All the murder victims are from surprise surprise, Beacon Hills – how insane is that? A show set in Beacon Hills where everything happens in Beacon Hills from a tonne of murders to werewolves and they were all in the same class at high school together at Beacon hills. I’m so surprised. Oh and Also, as well as being the same class, they all had the same teacher – Mr nasty teacher who gave all our teens detention.

But I suspect this is just a red hearing the writers want us to follow, so they can do a big reveal on who the Kanima controller is. But you know, could be an “either or thing”. Depending when the writers of this show will decide to make up their minds.

As Stiles and his dad go through the 2006 Beacon Hills year book to look for the Kanima’s next victim, they come across a pretty picture of a black woman.  Cut back to the warehouse and Jackson is silently purchasing a ticket from that same woman for an underground rave party.

Onto Allison next and she’s visiting the morgue with her dad.  Wow, real parent-child bonding moment.  Daddy is angry about the victims they are looking at and interrogates Allison about what she knows about the Kanima.

Dad Argent – “The price of greatness is responsibility.  Personally I think it’s more about knowledge.  What we know of the truth, we know the world….”Angry, dramatic.  “Are you starting to get it?”

Yep, you’re trying to link back to the  bumper sticker we saw in the last episode. Of course, dad thinks Allison actually knows who controls the Kanima.

Got news for you dad Argent.  We’re not likely till find that out until the end of season. I mean, that’s the storyline right? Derek, Issac and Scott are at the Vet’s who is enlisted in helping the werewolves.  He gives them  mountain ash, bad for werewolves and Kanima masters.

There’s a lot of theorizing and explaining shit to us the viewer about the Kanima master and trapping both the monster and the master.

High school – these kids actually attend it, there’s a little locker room thuggery for some underground rave tickets and then Allison and Scott making out in one of the classrooms when no one is around.

Scott tries to tell Allison that her mom knows about their sex life and stuffs it up by including “the pencils” speech.  He then turns into a stupid ass by suggesting to protect themselves, they should be seen dating other people.

Scott you are stupid beyond stupid belief.

Allison then explains to Scott that she’s kind of like, already, like, got a date planned with Matt – camera weird boy.  Scott is very enthusiastic about this happening.

Allison like any sane girl dating a boy she likes a lot, is confused by this.  Scott even encourages Allison to kiss Matt. Allison “Really kiss him?” Scott “What do you mean, really kiss him?”  Allison then demonstrates a “real kiss.” Scott.  “Don’t do that.” She leaves the classroom and Scott calls out to her “I love you.” To which Allison mutters “yeah.” Or something lame that is not “I love you” back.

Oh no. SCOTT. SCOTT. YOU ARE A SERIOUS DUMB ASS. Doesn’t help your cause that Mommy Dearest Argent witnessed you kissing her daughter either.

To be continued 


Kanima got your tongue?

July 25, 2012
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As I go back into episode 7 and re watch the opening “previously on teen wolf” recap, I realise the flower that strange boy gave to Lydia in the previous episode was in fact “wolf’s bane.” Hmmm….and now I’m watching Scott report to the Principle’s off, presumably for a smack down of the verbally threatening kind with Mommy Dearest.

Mommy Dearest, aka Allison’s mom goes in for the kill shot with “Are you having sex with my daughter?” Talk about direct and awkward.  Scott lies outright to her face that he is not.    There is a bit of silent joke made at Scott’s manly expense with Mrs Scary Argent mom sharpening a pencil till it’s a very sharp pricked pencil that is very, very small.

Back on the Lydia storyline and in the harsh light of day, Lydia can see, the back of her backyard gate.  It looks like all dead tumbleweeds and overgrown dead pants back there.  And from the looks on Lydia’s face, she’s never ventured out there into her own back yard before.  She wanders through the gate and into the property behind her house.

Which turns out to be a big freakn mansion! Like so big, you can not miss it, big.

She walks over to the property and opens the door, and we can see that there is dirt and leaves inside the house, which means….it’s an abandoned house or strange boy is a ghost of some kind. Ha ha!

As we return to the school we see Mr. nasty schoolteacher who gave our Teen Wolf gang detention getting into his car. He turns to look in his rear view mirror and looks surprised/shocked/slack jawed – all of the above. Why? We are not shown. As the camera shot then goes to the outside of the car, down low and we are greeted with a bumper sticker on his car that has one of my favourite quotes on it.

“Imagination is more important than knowledge.”  – Albert Einstein.

Ohhh…we’re getting fed bread crumbs…ohhhh…wine…

Back with our gang of misfits at School in the library and they are all restocking the library bookshelves, Stiles and Scott having got information out of Erica about Jackson’s biological parents.  Turns out Erica’s dad was the insurance investigator on Jackson’s parent’s accidental death by car.  It’s impressive that

Erica even has a dad in the universe, because all we ever see is of her with Derek and the wolf pack.  And so we have no idea what’s become of her life outside of this. Not that it’s important, but it’ always  weird when a character is created out of normal circumstance and their normal life, like what how her parents react is not even included in the explaining of them.

As they’re stacking the shelves, Jackson flips out and half shifts, going berserk in the library tearing it up and attacking everyone. At one point, stopping to write on the blackbird in the library – but not before I notice the words “Short Story” in the library scene and realise that’s what Jackson’s message is.

He writes “Stay away from me or I’ll kill all of you.” See. Short, sweet, to the point. End of story.  Ohh. Ominous.  Not really, just weird.

Then Jackson-kanima escapes from the library.  Erica starts having a seizure on the floor.  And for some reason, as Stiles and Scott debate whether to take Erica to the hospital or back to Derek for help, Allison gets all…stupid.

A scene is forced between Scott and Allison that really to me, doesn’t make sense at all. The deep and emotional piano music starts up slowly and Scott starts going on about how “it doesn’t feel right.” Whatever “it is.”

Allison gets all weepy going on about how “It’s” okay.  I assume they’re talking about Scott helping out his fellow werewolf Erica and saving her life. Which of course, means leaving Allison’s side to do that.  It’s so over played it’s stupid and annoying!

Where’s my wine glass again? Oh there it is. Drink!!!!!

Back onto the Lydia storyline and strange weird boy is in the mansion and tells Lydia if she doesn’t have the flower he gave her, then he’ll have to kiss her. Lydia sucks much face with weird boy and then – presto-changeo she’s not in Beacon Hills anymore.

Welcome to Oz….also known as your own disturbing nightmare slash post traumatic stress episode.  Lydia finds herself in the burnt out house that Derek used to frequent and that strange weird boy is in fact, the alpha who attacked her and was burnt in the fire of that house. Or something. We go from dance music to deeply dramatic music and Lydia screams.

Erica is taken to Derek and he breaks her arm to trigger the healing process.  Oh yeah and her seizures have stopped.  Erica turns to Stiles and says sweetly “Stiles, you make a good batman.” Timing Erica, Timing.

Scott then tells Derek, that they can team up together and catch Jackson-kanima but they will do it, Scott’s way! I’d like to say this was some sort of put your foot down and stand up for yourself moment. But really, it lacked a lot of conviction and belief. The close up camera work also made it feel rather soap opera like too.

Now we’re at the hospital and the woman who witnessed her husband getting murdered by the kanama is trying to tell Scott’s mum that the bad people are after her.  Of course, she’s ignored.  And pretty much as soon as Scott’s mum leaves her patient alone,  the controller of the kanima comes in and proceeds to suffocate her.

Back on Lydia’s head trip and the burnt to a crisp alpha/ghost is telling Lydia that her immunity to the werewolf bite makes her the perfect plan b to do exactly one thing.  Of course, he doesn’t tell her /us what that one thing is.  But then we are treated to a weird series of flashbacks where the burnt to a crisp/alpha-is-strange-weird boy is taken out of each scene.  Until we see Lydia standing at the trophy cabinet at school looking at a photograph of strange weird boy, called wait for it…..Peter Hale.

So maybe her one perfect thing is remember him? Hahaha. I seriously doubt that’s the case.  Here’s hoping she’s out to fuck shit up for Derek.

End of overdone, try hard episode seven and drink!


MotherF*cking Snakes on Teen Wolf

July 24, 2012
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Teen Wolf, Episode 7.

Huzzah, I made it this far.

So we start of the episode with the kanima (lizard monster ) killing the husband of a couple who are living in a trailer in the woods. We can see that there is indeed another mysterious figure somehow involved in controlling the kanama

But then if this kanima is killing people, how can it be Jackson? Because Jackson is at the police station looking smug as Stiles and Scott are getting served, a restraining order against them for kidnapping and locking up Jackson in the last twenty four hours.

So maybe it is Lydia who is also a kanima, and that’s why she passed the previous poisoning test. Because at this point in time, we don’t know where Lydia is, unless we believe the writers are sticking to the last episode, which means she’s at her house getting harassed by strange new boy.

But why would we believe the writers of this show?

Scott’s Mum is ripping Scott a new one and it’s well past time for that. It was getting very hard to believe that she didn’t have a freaking clue about what her son has been up to so late at night and failing so badly at school.

Cut to Derek and his pack of newbie werewolves who are itching to go after the Argents rather than be locked up for the upcoming full moon. Yes, apparently we’re back on a full moon, even though there was one a few episodes ago. I’m not getting the time line in this show, the episodes appear to connect based on a daily dealings but then to say a month has passed because the next full moon is coming…ahhhh.

Derek argues with Issac about how they HAVE TO FIND THE KANIMA. Blah, blah, blah, tenuous link and reasoning why.

You’re werewolves mother fuckers, you don’t have to do shit! And Derek seems more and more like a whimp than an alpha when he talks about the kaiama or the Argents – what a waste.

And now it appears it’s the next day and Allison is passing secret messages to Scott and Stiles in the Library and surprise, surprise, we’re being led onto the path of the kanama is supposed to be a werewolf but it can’t be until it’s past issues are resolved. And what if that has something to do with Jackson’s biological parents??

Well the writers will probably let us know it’s an “either or thing” in an episode of two from now.

Cut to man of the hour and Jackson is in the science lab and looking at various creepy crawlies in a large glass display. But he seems particularly fascinated with the one housing the snakes. And here’s were shit gets interesting, Jackson opens up the lid of the glass display and picks up a snake.

Watching in fascination as it slides over his arm and and around his neck and up into Jackson’s mouth. Jackson closes his eyes as the snake goes completely into his mouth! If you’ve ever had a dirty desire to know what Jackson might look like giving fellatio, this is the scene to pay attention to.

Just as he finishes swallowing the live snake whole, a teacher walks into the room and asks Jackson if he wants to discuss his paper. Jackson appears to be a little stunned. I’m guessing cause he feels overly full or he’s secretly a vegetarian who’s just broken his food vow.

Scott’s taking up a make up test at school and his mum is “cleaning” aka raiding his room at home for clues on why her son is in so much trouble with the law and school. Mum finds something she wasn’t expecting. A 12 pack of ribbed condoms. Only one is left. So that answers the virginity question from the previous episode. Cherry – Popped.

And we’re back on Allison who is tracking Jackson, who walks into the boys locker room. Allison is about to go in there when camera boy who is obsessed with her walks out and starts immediately flirting with way too much ease at her. Clearly not reading the “She’s just not that into you signals” Allison is giving him with one her one word answers and looking anywhere but at him looks. She agrees to go on some sort of date with him on Friday night just to shut him up and get him away from her.

Allison walks into the boys locker room upon hearing an awkward sound made by Jackson. She calls out to him and he responds. Allison walks around in the locker room and walks in on a naked Jackson showering. She blushes and turns away. Jackson seems fine with it. More than fine as he goes into predator mode and comes over to her and insists they talk then and there.

As Jackson continues to intimidate Allison, he heartbeat races and Jackson can hear it and so it appears, can Scott from between who knows how many walls and bits of structure in the highschool between the science lab and the boys locker room.

As Scott bursts in Allison tries to tell him, she’s okay but Scott is not having any of it and finally we get to see something interesting, a fight between Scott and Jackson as they beat the crap out of each other and the boys locker room. As they spill out into the corridor, Erica restrains Jackson and Stiles restrains Scott. But not before Scott’s teacher from the make up test, busts them all.

As they’re getting busted, camera obsessed with Allison boy notices someone’s backpack spilled open on the floor and clearly feeling the need to riffle, picks up the tablet that is exposed from the back pack and starts to turn it on and view whatever is on it.

REALLY? we’re going with this tenious link? EVERYBODY FACE PALM NOW!

Of course he reads the info about the kanama that Allison has on there and of course, downloads it to email for himself. Invasion of privacy much? Before handing it back but the teacher grabs it off him. Everyone then gets detention.

Scott’s mum rocks up to the school and talks to Allison’s mum about their kids. Allison’s creepy mum delivers a great line about a girl with low standards going after Scott.

Back in the library Stiles is theorizing that Camera boy is Jackson’s controlling kanama master. When Jackson’s suddenly gets up needing to go to the bathroom, because he seems to have some pain from behind his eye.

As he goes to the little boys room, we watch as a snake, pushes it way out of Jackson’s eye socket spurting blood everywhere and horrifying Jackson who’s very much aware and awake of the whole thing happening! yay!! Scott is called to the principles office. But quite frankly I don’t care for the end of the episode, because it’s delivered far more in this episode than it has so far in the whole season, that’s been well worth watching.

I shall however, continue to finish the rest of the episode, in my next post ;)


The Teen Wolf Drinking game

July 22, 2012
2 Comments

Okay so I’m back on episode six of teen wolf and I’ve been drinking. Consider it your only warning. I’ll be drinking every time this show gets lame and annoys me.

Here’s hoping Prada the handbag dog (ha – see what I did there?) turns into a super duper aggressive werewolf terrier from hell. Fingers crossed.

Oh back in the night club and nobody seems to notice a lizard like Jackson amongst the dance floor or the fact that he just slayed several guys including his own friend, Danny. Nobody also seems to notice Derek and his werewolf face and glowing red eyes other than Teen Wolf Scott himself.

REALLY?

Jackson then disappears and Scott follows his bloody trail to the car park where, surprise, surprise, Jackson has shape shifted to his human self. And is naked and out could and red and scaly looking and OH MY GOD HOW MUCH DO I NOT CARE?!

Okay, BG, you can do it. You can focus on this lame ass show and get through the episode. Focus.

Right, back onto Lydia who I’m starting to like, even with the Angelina Jolie over done beestung lips. Seriously, where’s my drink again? Ok, Fo-cus.

Dog loving strange boy is in her backyard talking to her and turns out he’s from her high school- oh my god how much do I not care? Focusing, again. He’s asking her how she is and then he’s stepping forwards uninvited into her personal space. Lydia steps back.

Strange new boy “Why did you do that?”

Lydia “You stepped forward”

Strange new boy “Well maybe I wanted to kiss you.”

Lydia “ Well maybe I don’t want you to kiss me.”

Strange new boy “So could I kiss you now then?”

Lydia “Only if you want to get punched in the throat.”

I think I’m developing a girl crush on Lydia. The strong female character is not yet dead. Thank fuck for that. Wait…wait…oh my god, why do the writers have to go and ruin a moment? Strange new boy picks her a flower that involves him pulling a “move” by putting his hand out, straight over her shoulder to get it.

Lydia takes the flower.

UGH. Quick, everybody drink! This show might make sense then.

Continuing on….and now we’re back onto Stiles and Scott and Danny and oh my god the Stiles jokes start flowing freely. It’s Brillant!

Scott and Stiles are in Stiles Jeep and have moved the naked Jackson in there and covered him (boo) with a blanket. Stiles turns to Scott and says they have to get out of there, because the paralysed guys who Jackson attacked in the club are being carted off in ambulances. Stiles then says “oh my god, oh my god could it get any worse?”

Jackson then groans loudly from the backseat. To which Stiles, yells at Jackson “It was rhetorical!”

Stilinkski, you scene stealing ace. Stiles is forced to talk to his dad the Sheriff in order to get him and Scott out of there without suspicion being thrown on them being at yes, yet another crime scene. Stiles attempts to lie to his dad about being gay.

Stiles to his dad “Well dad there’s a conversation we need to have.”

Stiles dad “You’re not gay!”

Stiles” I could be.”

Stiles Dad, glances him over. “Not dressed like that you couldn’t.”

They get away without being implicated in anything.

Then there is surprisingly a very nice transition from that scene to the Argent hunters. Finally there is suspicion being thrown on Grandpa Argent as Allison’s dad wonders out loud to him how he could stand so still while the reptile (who they do not know is Jackson) circled him. Grandpa fobs him off with some lame excuse.

Drinking.

Jackson wakes up locked in the back of a police van. Shackled and with pants on which Stiles put on him Jackson tells Stiles his parents will be looking for him. Stiles shows Jackson the message that he sent to his parents mobile to indicate he was fine. Unfortunately for Stiles, there is something in the message that gives away that Jackson is the exact opposite of fine. Because not once in eleven years has Jackson said “I love you” to his parents. And Stiles included that in the sent text.

Doh!

Back to School and Allison is in the office with her creepy Grandpa. Who’s creepily going on about Jackson being missing and asking Allison if she knows about it. Of course, everything on Allison’s face tightens up giving away a pretty fucking obvious tell.

SERIOUSLY. Drink. Now. Stat!

Grandpa is still talking creepily and then says to Allison he wants to ask her some questions and her to answer them. But not before he stands behind her, pulls her hair back and says he’s not going to hurt her, he just wants to check her pulse while she answers him.

CREEPY! Inappropriate touching! Drink!

And that’s a bout it. As much as I can handle. I’ve turned the Tv off again. I’m not sure I can actually make it through this episode. Drink!


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