A Werewolf Blog in Brooklyn

Burger Blues | June 28, 2009

Caught up with Aimee, we ended up going to the Pit Stop for burgers. Got my usual monthly burger craving happening. I may possibly end up doing a hamburger tour of New York one day.

Lol.

Lunch wasn’t quite what I expected it to be. Aimee kind of uh, surprised me I guess you could say.  We settled in and ordered our food plus milkshakes, cause what’s the point to a burger without a shake?

And we’re talking about the usual types of things, girls gossip about. Boys, clothes, going out, all that kind of stuff.

When Aimee comes out with a doozy.

She says to me “So uh, are you gonna go all hide and go seek on us again soon?” and I’m all like “What are you talking about Aimee?”

And she’s says “You know, I kind of noticed something about you.  Every now and then you kind of do this thing where you go off us or something. You get distant..”

She means I pull back on contact with our group of friends she’s from.  She’s just started to notice it, because I’m displaying the usual signs of doing it again.

Displaying, what the fuck?!?!

This is the problem with having different groups of friends, right here. You know you can be whoever you want to be to them, but usually it’s only representative of how you are, around them.  I’m different when I’m with Conall and other Breukelen.  And I’m completely different and normal as it were, around Aimee and those guys from College.

But I never really thought anyone would think twice about it.

Least of all Aimee.  I mean, I’m barely aware of how I am with each group.  It’s just you know, how you end up being whatever personality suits and works for you.

So I figure, just play dumb right; best defence is denial if it’s really needed.  If I don’t want something to exist then all I have to do is deny it.

Rules of being your own person.

Because let’s face it, I don’t want to lie to my friends. Ever.

But if she’s going where I fear she’s going with this conversation, then lying is suddenly becoming an option I may have to use.  For various reasons. Like, oh you know, believability, freedom to be me, trust, friendship, safety, survival.

The usual bullshit reasons people lie.

She says “I dunno, it’s kind of like you just uh, become a little cold with us.  Suddenly it’s only the occasional text messages or email  What’s up with that?”

By this point in time, I’m thinking, she’s far too cluey. This is definitely going into territory I am not ready to address with her.

So I’m all like, “What are you on about ? I’m here having lunch with you aren’t I?”  Smile at her, and kind of give her the, your-crazy-lady look.

But she says “ Okay, you don’t want to talk about it, we won’t. For now.”

And I’m thinking for now?

What the hell does she think is going on with me? Drugs?

All I can think is, I have to say something.  Because if I don’t then it’s kind of like my silence is admitting something or confirming some secret suspicion of hers.  Like maybe she will think I’m off doing drug running or whatever she thinks it is I do during lunar weeks.

So I have to say something right.? My friend is trying to call me out, on something.

“What’s to talk about? I don’t understand the question.”

She just nodded her head and we ate the rest of our burgers in silence.

I kind of hoped I would never would to have the conversation Aimee’s angling at with my college friends. Now I think, I need to start figuring out that conversation.

Because maybe it’s going to happen, sooner rather than never.

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