A Werewolf Blog in Brooklyn

The Hard Talk #1 | July 22, 2009

One  talk down. Two to go.

How many “talks” do you think people have to go through in their lives?  You know, the big stuff.

The complicated stuff, the telling your bestfriend your party animal status, can seem literal at times.  Like for one week, every month. Top that off with the whole female time-out once a month and really, gotta ask why us girls have to put up with so much stuff being put into our genetics.

I finally approached my  Alpha about the Aimee sitch and asked what I could do. Should do. Because quite frankly, I HAVE to do something. The guilt alone of having duped my best friend (rather successfully) for the five years that I’ve known her, is freaking me out.

And the thing is, you can’t just come out and blurt this kind of information out.  It makes you utterly vulnerable and could potentially – say if I didn’t know the person well, put me in danger.  People often fear what they don’t know or understand.  I’ve seen the expression before on faces. I’ve seen the  disgust in what they’re perceiving.  I’ve seen everything they ever held for you, cared about you, thought of you, positively, go out the window in the blink of an eye.  They switch that quickly.

But you get over the hurt.  Well I don’t, but I bury it well, deep down.

Besides, if you can work your way around all the emotional stuff you hae to get through, then there’s the “politics” of the big reveal.  Yep, I have to get permission of the leading Breukelen Alpha, to be able to tell my best friend, what she undoubtedly, already now knows.

The leading Breukelen Alpha, that’s scary stuff, having to approach him on something like this, especially in the way it happened. It’ll be seen as me being a loose cannon, without regard for my own safety or that of others. He’ll be more than dissapointed in me. There are protocols and reprecussions for my sort of reckless behaviour in having éxposed our family secret so easily to a non.

We don’t advertise openly.

We hide in plain sight to those that don’t know about us. Brooklyn is different, we’re almost a safe haven.  The Alpha has worked with community leaders tirelessly for years to inter-grate and have them understand those amongst them. But still, it’s not like everyone knows, or cares to know. Or understand.

Haters are haters, no matter what form you give them.

So yeah, the Alpha and me had a long chat about Aimee, me and the dealio.

I think it’s the hardest talk I’ve ever had with my father.  EVER.

I think he expects Bodil to mess up like this, not me.

I’m the GOOD child. The Golden child.

It’s actions like this, that can undo all that he’s worked on for his whole life. Acceptance, integration and above all else, common unity – Community.  Shit, if some thing’s going to stuff his work, I’d rather it wasn’t one of his kids, in particular, me.

Calm down.

Once you get permission to tell, it’s okay. It’s just the whole fear of rejection thing I have to then overcome.

Crap crap crap crap crap!

Can’t believe I have to do this because I lost my shit one moonlit night. I’ve only ever told one other person.

It didn’t go well. I was young, naive and thought “everything would be alright.” well it wasn’t.

Oh and did I mention, that I did it behind my father’s back? Against his wishes, without permission. However you want to coat it.

He  found out about it of course. Had to fix my stuff up.

Story for another day.

So now you get the sense of how truly hard and awkward this talk wtih him was. What must he be thinking of me now?

I’m guessing, dissapointment.

I don’t stuff up like the rest of  us Sommers kids, who appear to put my father through grief, far too often. Like I said, I’m the Good Kid. The Golden child.  But when I do stuff up, I go all out.

Right, time to forget that shit and focus again.

One talk down, two to go.

Aimee’s first on the list.

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