A Werewolf Blog in Brooklyn

Got Werewolf? | September 15, 2010

I saw something incredible on Ebay. A magical spell to transform humans into werewolves. I kid you not, I could not make this stuff up if I wanted to. Probably because I don’t actually believe any Non has come up with successful “transformation” spell for Nons/humans.

Upon further investigation on Ebay, I found there are actually quite a few spells for sale that will apparently turn you into a werewolf. They vary in price too, from $500 for the above mentioned spell to 0.99cents for someone to cast the spell on the appropriate full moon for you.

I find this funny. For a few reasons:

*There are actually Nons out there who are willing to believe this crap and literally buy into it.

*As far as I know, I’ve never heard of a spell that can change you into a werewolf that isn’t based in Hollywood’s movie imagination.

*I would think if there was a Non who could somehow come up with a spell for casting a werewolf transformation, that they wouldn’t go around selling it on Ebay! That just seems kind of…well, tacky.

But mostly I find this notion that you can buy your way to werewolf world through a spell completely ludicrous. As far as I’m aware and was raised to believe, you’re either born a werewolf or you are bitten and therefore classified as a Lycan in our world. I’ve never met a werewolf or lycan who became who they are through the power of a spell casting. Birth right or condition. That my friends, is about the only way we know it to be.

Also, it seems to me that these so called Ebay spell casters, just make a lot of shit up about what being a werewolf entails or will bring the buyer of these purchases. It seems like they themselves haven’t actually been around the werewolf culture to know what being a werewolf is really like.

Some of the selling points for these spells are:

Werewolves are not Immortals. We do die. Can die. I think you’re thinking of another creature of the night with fangs, made pretty by the likes of Rpatz and David Boreanaz. It’s true we do have good health as a result of being a werewolf and this contributes no doubt to our longevity. I’m not going to tell you how to kill us, cause I don’t have a death wish. We are hard to kill, but everything without a head dies. Really, it’s that simple.

Seriously? This is being used as a selling point? An ability all humans and werewolves already have? I believe there a some people who can do this quite well, Nons, that are in fact called Swimmers. I believe they even have an Olympic sport for this called Swimming where Nons from all over the globe do this.
Wow. I’m so enlightened.

I’m also alarmed that one of these Ebay Sellers who’s been registered since 2009, has a 100% happiness rate on Ebay. But hey it’s not like you can’t get your friends to write you up good reviews if need be, especially when quite a few seem to come from the same person….hmmm, suspicious?

Not a selling point, rather a brutal truth that should provide buyers with the truth in the statement of whether these spells are real or not, one Ebay seller says on their advertisement:

“I am required by state law to state that this spell is for entertainment purposes only. You must be over 18 years of age to bid. I am not responsible for any paranormal activity which may or may not occur. All sales are final, we have a no refund policy.”

– yeah, spend your money here, but don’t ask for it back if absolutely nothing happens. I’m guessing no refund because there’s no “real spell” because as I stated at the top of this blog post, there is no known spell cast for becoming a werewolf. Because one does not exist, because, we, werewolves do not WORK THAT WAY.

I wouldn’t have thought a selling point would be telling potential buyers that The longest its taken for a spell to be cast is over a year. Time constraints dude. People want results. We live in a here and now world. They pay you, they want what they pay for. Not to wait. The first Ebay Seller goes on to say (all in capital lock) that casting the spell depends on the person in question.

“IF YOU GOT DARK AND/OR EVIL SPIRITS ATTACHED TO YOU THAT WONT GO AWAY THAT WILL MAKE RESULTS LONGER BECAUSE THEY CAN BLOCK THE MAGIC FROM ATTACHING TO YOUR BODY” I’d like to say that sounds reasonable given what we’re talking about here, Magic that sounds like word magic to me and probably has so many elemental variables, that could ruin it. But I can’t, because the seller of this “spell” sounds like a Scam lord, with the bad wording of their Ebay ad, and all capital lock approach. Not to mention lack of guarantee.

But that would be because you can’t guarantee what you don’t know anything about. You can’t guarantee proof when you’ve provided none, because I doubt any decent werewolf I know would be willing to associate themselves with someone who casts spells via Ebay.

And that’s the other thing, to consider here kids, if these Ebay sellers were for real, and had a genuine product that did do what it advertises to, pack leaders, the tri state council even, would probably be all over them.

See in werewolf world, even we “beasts” have rules and regulations to our living arrangements. No one is allowed to turn a Non into a werewolf. That is just not on. And these hocus pocus sellers, are flaunting their spell wares to do this around, like it’s nothing of consequence. Which is of course, how you suck a buyer in. Glamorize the life of a werewolf and suddenly everyone wants to be one.

But there’s truth in the saying, be careful what you wish for. Usually because it’s nothing like you’ve over fantasized about. Got Werewolf? Not a Werewolf? Then not likely to ever be.
So buyer, beware.


1 Comment »

  1. There are books on Lulu that promise the same thing for similar amounts.

    You can find historical spells for becoming a werewolf in old primary and secondary sources, but I wouldn’t recommend them if you can’t already shrug off being poisoned. Which I suppose would be a way of discovering you’re a werewolf, but still not a way of becoming one.

    eBay magic sounds like a promising addition to chaos magic, but wouldn’t wouldn’t work like this.

    Comment by Rob Myers — September 16, 2010 @ 7:05 am

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