A Werewolf Blog in Brooklyn

Teen Wolf not genius | August 19, 2013

Nipple Burn. that’s the first thing that comes to mind when I start watching episode 1 of Season 3, Teen Wolf.

Why? Because Issac is being brought back to life by some battery charger things that you connect cars to. Yep. Really.

I wanted to laugh out loud, but I couldn’t because I got too dizzy then watching the longest, most endless motorcycle escape scene ever filmed.

Yes, welcome to Beacon Hill, where the streets are always desserted at night and the roads, go round, and round, and round and nowhere elese but around.

Here’s hot tip to Issac’s rescurer, When your running away or driving away from the bad guys and are “escaping” you don’t drive around and around and around in circles on back streets.

You get the hell out of dodge!

But this is Beacon Hills and our young population of seemingly constantly endangered teens aren’t exactly smart when it comes to survival.

Enter himbo of the Beacon Hills world – Scott McCall aka, Teen Wolf. He’s a teen and he NEEDS to get a tattoo. Why? Well Scott can’t articulate that thought. The show is called Teen Wolf, not genius after all. So what tattoo design does Scott decide on? Two black bands. He even draws a picture. Groan. Remember BG the show is not called genius.

Cut to an awkward reunion scene beetween Scott and Alison and Scott does creepy stalker face, through the car window of Stiles’s Jeep like he’s a professional creep.

Then some freaky shit happens when a deer runs straight into Lydia’s car – head first. There’s some boy-girl comfort and no real end to that scene and then it’s the next day. Where nothing is amiss.
Remember the show is called TEEN WOLF, not genius.

In Lydia’s bedroom there’s a beefcake boy on display half naked in her bed. One minute he’s confident and smug, the next he’s all needy. Whateves. As Lydia looks in the mirror preening herself, two things come to mind. One; her bee stung lips are crazy over the top. Two; Lydia’s lost a fair amount of weight and is verging on seriously ridicoulus lollipop head apperance.

Once at school, Lydia manages to get the best line in a scene upon spotting two hot twins walking her way.

Lydia to Alison “I don’t want a boyfriend, I want a distraction.” Yeah, Lydia so do I, from this show.

Later in the classroom as Alison plays awkward to the enth degree upon spotting ex boyfriend Scott, the teacher does a very clever trick with all her students mobile phones. Shortly into class, Stiles being the most attentive male ever, notices Lydia’s ankle is bandaged and it turns our her own dog, prada, has bitten her. For no apparent reason what so ever, Stiles says to Lydia, that maybe it has something to do with her and animals and how they get freaky before an earthquake and yawn, look how much I’m finding it hard to care.

But then a black crow flies straight into the window next to Lydia, so hard that is smashes it’s brains out onto the window. Yeah! gore! blood! whoo!

The writers of this show sure like to overload the character storylines.

Shortly after Stiles says this, a murder of crows, like a mass murder – hundreds of birds, appear on the horizon, blackening out the sky. The birds fly straight towards the classroom. The cool, new teacher, walks towards the windows. Yeah scary animals coming at you, and you walk towards them. Smart. Remember, show is not called genius.

As the birds swarm towards the classroom, everyone sits and stays exactly where they are and watches their impending doom, instead of taking cover, or evacuating the classroom. So. Smart. Nobody attempts to move until after the birds break into the classroom and start attacking all the students.

Stiles, protects Lydia. So sweet.

By this point in the episode, it already feels to long. There’s other stuff going on with Scott, like when Derek Hale burns a tattoo of the two black bands onto Scotts arm with a blow torch. Yeah, really his accuracy is so detailed, he can define the smooth lines of two black bands, no rough endges at all. As. If.

There’s alpha pack werewolves with serious finger nail issues and toe nails that need major clipping, oh and end of the episodeis , Issac’s saviour, the motorcycle chick, is slashed to death by the alpha pack leader, yeah, its an alpha pack but there is still a leader amongst them. Like that makes sense – its an alpha pack!

Sigh, I knew i was getting into this right? Maybe i just need to watch game of thrones. Pretty sure that would be worthwhile from all accounts.

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